I woke this morning feeling an irritating ache in my neck and remembered that I ignored my court date in California the previous day. I supposed to call and try to get a continuation, however, I placed it off and then forgot. The days flew through right here in Vancouver and now I have a $200 fine to pay that is simply some other addition to the pile of debt that I’m certain is contributing to this “pain in my neck.”
I don’t know what to do. I’m attempting my nice to comply with my heart and my coronary heart is NOT calling me to get an “everyday” process, get a place, pay rent, payments and do all that once more, now not yet, not that way. I haven’t any hobby in dong something, however, inspiring lots upon millions of human beings with my music, and yet I haven’t any album and no money to file one. This may be what they suggest about being among a rock: my financial scenario, and a hard place: no concept what to do. My endurance is my hammer. And a bomb might simply blow this entire mountain up if I’m fortunate.
I heard the economic system ought to fall apart in August if the debt ceiling is not raised. I desire this isn’t always a tease cause I’m sincerely searching forward to that! I may want to definitely use it in my view, I think we all should, even though it would not appear like it. This financial system is not serving the best of the entire, and I believe, if we are to transport forward to an “existence sustaining” society, as Joanna Macy puts it, the antique have to die, fall, and the brand new will sprout. I think it’s all happening right now.
I’m following my excitement, my joy, my bliss, and it’s just no longer bringing any cash in right now, although it has, and it is why I’m still alive and loving life as a great deal as I do regardless of whatever else. I had a pleasing bite of appreciation come my way approximately a month in the past for my music, from the generous souls at the Joanna Macy workshop. The final scrapings of that ran out the previous day at a pleasant vegetarian eating place. But I nonetheless have the leftovers within the fridge, and I accept as true with that greater is at the way. Actually, as I’m scripting this money turned into simply deposited into my account from my beneficiant and loving parents, regardless of them not being very rich, they have got continually given and helped me and my sister out while they are able to, so there it IS! It’s simply sufficient to get me to Victoria and feature some meals for the next week, so I’m glad approximately that!
Interestingly, the $70,000 or so in debt I actually have abandoned isn’t always a trouble. The toughest a part of all of it is that my mother and father, who co-signed the financial institution mortgage, are paying the hobby in the interim, which has brought on me grief and disgrace within the beyond, however no longer a lot anymore. Yes, it is still unsettling, and it’s no longer what I could decide on, however, I actually have forgiven myself for making the selections I made and I consider that all continue to be in ideal alignment. The freedom I experience is well worth it. I love my lifestyles extra than ever, yet I’m extra broke than ever.
At the instant, I couch surf with great fulfillment and gratitude and I am looked after through very loving and generous people. It feels like the early ranges of the present economic system, where own family looks after circling of relatives with no questions, no expectations and whole joy and shameless generosity. That being stated, on this childish sprouting, there are still strains of the antique way, certainly. The fear that a trade or equal trade is required brings up disgrace inside me as I tiptoe in opposition to and far from the fragile barriers in these locations of a provision that I should be keen to sense and faithful to depart. The ground of reality is true, completely groundless. No possible stand on impermanence. But we provide ourselves the influence that fabric matters are real, reliable, but ninety-nine % of remembering is empty space. And what happens in the empty area is the experience of being alive and that is what I’m after. Deeper and deeper into fears, into uncertainties, towards oblivion.
Apparently, oblivion is lots like Victoria, one of the most beautiful places in Canada, so I pay attention. Letting move and going with the drift. I’m following my hearts calling to locate and start a band and really cross for it musically. I experience ready. I need to do what Michael Franti does and on that scale. I understand I can. I recognize the songs I’ve written maybe hits. I simply need to file and market them nicely or find a person who will market them for me. All this is “business as typical” questioning as it’s still the identical device running. We have not upgraded but, we haven’t thrown out Monetary Industrial Growth (Debt Based Ver 1.Zero). So I wait, with one foot in this world and 3 limbs stretching into the unknown. I meet with pals and communicate enterprise.
I met with an antique buddy, Dan MacIsaac, the previous day for brunch and he desires to do simply that, report and marketplace unfound, unknown artists who he believes in. Thankfully we’re pals from long in the past again in Southern Ontario and this possibility is pretty inspiring and vibrant for the both of us. Yesterday we reconnected intellectually and spiritually and it felt good to peer a vivid horizon. We’ve both been very diligently pursuing a private and spiritual increase in our very own methods, however, the end result is a transformed human being and life.
I experience with Dan and many other humans I maintain meeting, there’s a mutual knowledge of the breakdown in society, the unearthing roots, the social erosion taking place, as a result of a loss of compassion for each other and the earth. This collective sickness causes us to awareness on our separateness and the pursuit of paper and digital money as the solution to our issues.
The failing of each contemporary system is clear to me. Our healthcare is causing suffering, dependency, and sickness, our education is robbing youngsters of creative, independent concept and conditioning them to mindlessly participate in an international economic pyramid scheme, our financial device is 95% debt and is fueled by opposition, oppression, and inequality, our living structures are in decline and the marginalized populations are not being served or helped in methods which might be sustainable and empowering. At the identical time, none of that is absolutely genuine, yet it’s miles part of the fact of our international. There are light aspects, silver linings, and recovery within all this brokenness and there’s beauty all around us, inside us, pouring out of us, sustaining maintaining us. It really is the best and the worst of instances. I try and recognition at the effective. I’ve executed a lot of spiritual work. I have surrendered the entirety I thought I could. All I actually have now’s a backpack of clothes and some matters, my guitar, and this antique clunker laptop. I love all my matters a lot. They are valuable impermanent things that I enjoy for the moment. I have subsequent to no possessions anymore because I desired to be unfastened to roam, and now I am, and I’m completely broke, and it is lovely.
What’s a man to do? Following my coronary heart, as I suspected it’d, has taken me up against and into my private fears, and those fears had been honestly encasing my coronary heart and I experience fortunate, blessed, venerated to have located the courage, wisdom, and energy to embark on this sort of adventure. Inward and outward, stretching in each instruction. I’m heading for a breaking point, a breakthrough, a shift in recognition, all over again, and I don’t know how it’ll appear or the way to get there proper now due to the fact I’m form of a blind, handcuffed, wandering, dancing and singing guy, with most effective his coronary heart to guide him via these darkish instances. But I persist, and I insist I am exactly where I am intended to be.