I woke this morning feeling an irritating ache in my neck and remembered that I ignored my court date in California the previous day. I was supposed to call and try to get a continuation. However, I placed it off and then forgot. The days flew through right here in Vancouver, and now I have a $200 fine to pay that is simply some other addition to the pile of debt that I’m certain is contributing to this “pain in my neck.”

Beautiful Struggle - Dreams of Collapse 1

I don’t know what to do. I’m attempting my nice to comply with my heart, and my coronary heart is NOT calling me to get an “everyday” process, get a place, pay rent, payments and do all that once more, now not yet, not that way. I haven’t any hobby in doing something, however, inspiring millions of human beings with my music, yet I haven’t any album and no money to file one. This may be what they suggest about being among a rock: my financial scenario and a hard place: no concept of what to do. My endurance is my hammer. And a bomb might blow this entire mountain up if I’m fortunate.

I heard the economic system ought to fall apart in August if the debt ceiling is not raised. I desire this isn’t always a tease cause I’m sincerely searching forward to that! I may want to use it, in my view definitely, and I think we all should, even though it would not appear like it. This financial system is not serving the best of the entire, and I believe, if we are to transport forward to an “existence sustaining” society, as Joanna Macy puts it, the antique has to die, fall, and the brand new will sprout. I think it’s all happening right now.

I’m following my excitement, joy, and bliss, and it’s just no longer bringing any cash in right now, although it has, and it is why I’m still alive and loving life as a great deal as I do regardless of whatever else. I had a pleasing bite of appreciation come my way approximately a month ago for my music from the generous souls at the Joanna Macy workshop. The final scrapings of that ran out the previous day at a pleasant vegetarian eating place. But I nonetheless have the leftovers within the fridge; actually, as I’m scripting, this money turned into deposited into my account from my beneficiant and loving parents; regardless of them not being very rich, they have got continually given and helped my sister and me out. At the same time, they can, so there it IS! It’s simply sufficient to get me to Victoria and feature some meals for the next week, so I’m glad approximately that! I accept as true that greater is on the way.

Beautiful Struggle - Dreams of Collapse 2

Interestingly, the $70,000 or so in debt I actually have abandoned isn’t always trouble. I love my lifestyle extra than ever, yet I’m extra broke than ever. The toughest part of all of it is that my mother and father, who co-signed the financial institution mortgage, are paying the hobby in the interim, which has brought me grief and disgrace within the beyond, however no longer a lot anymore. Yes, it is still unsettling, and it’s no longer what I could decide on; however, I actually have forgiven myself for making the selections I made, and I consider that all continue to be in ideal alignment. The freedom I experience is well worth it.